jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
