She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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