what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
