1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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