hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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