Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize