I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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