I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
