If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
