ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
