Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
