the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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