Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We need a shit load of segways right now
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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