Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
