I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
