We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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