I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
