Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
