Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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