when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i think i have two assholes
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
