I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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