Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
