Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
