I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just threw up on my dentist
I am spending my child support on dildos
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
