Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
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My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
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The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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