the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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