# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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