would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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