So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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