two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
