fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
