sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
