Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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