i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
