Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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