i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
