If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
this hospital has no fireball
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
