You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
