Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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