you traded sex for a burrito?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
cat food counts as protein by the way
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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