You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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