And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
