I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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