i already hear my dad disowning me
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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