96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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