I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
wow bdsm is so cute
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
