I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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