My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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