where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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