so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
