It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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