No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
