Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
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