i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
