I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
