I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
