It's Friday. Sex?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
