peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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