Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
only you would photoshop your dick
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Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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