remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
