Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
