so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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