College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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