In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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