..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just saw a hot homeless man
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
