what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
please come you make the beer taste better
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
