uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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