READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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