Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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